Recently we spoke with Karyn Battersby who is a Human Behaviour Specialist, regarding one of our favourite topics – self love. So many people think they know what it means, but as is so often the case, it’s much bigger than you realise!

Karyn and I met quite a few years ago at a business event and she has also been a personal councillor for me during certain periods of my life and I honestly believe there is no one greater to talk about the topic of self love then Karyn.

So what is self love?….And how do we know if we are achieving it in our life?! “Self love isn’t just running a bath, going to a spa, a glass of wine. In actual fact, self love encompasses everything from our boundaries to who we allow into our lives, and knowing who we are, the good and the bad, and accepting, embracing and loving all of it”. Karyn Battersby

Self love means learning to look into the parts of ourselves, including the parts we are not so fond of, and is incredibly important self-awareness work. As humans, we tend to want to hide the parts of ourselves that we might feel a bit of shame about, and particularly any guilt or embarrassment. We tend to keep it hidden very much from the rest of the world and it is really only our intimate partners or closest that might see it. (And even then, we may hide it from those closest to us for fear of being unlovable.)

“Our instinct, our natural response, is to try and hide our darker side, because we think it is unlovable. But what we are doing is orphaning that side of ourselves. Self love is the act of bringing that side in and loving it as well. You need to embrace it, acknowledge it, then you can work on it. That is self love”. Karyn Battersby

You might be familiar with catch phrases like “do the work”, “love yourself”, but what do they actually mean? And how do you even “do the work”? When you have spent a lifetime hiding parts of yourself, true authenticity is about showing up and allowing people to see all of us and allowing the façade, the projected version of us to fall away. You have a choice, when you are in a “face down in the dirt” moment, you have only two decisions. Are you going to get back up, put the façade back on and manage your image… or are you going to get up and own it? When we do the latter, we can use it as a springboard to become a better version of ourselves, and that is the essence of self love. Self acceptance, awareness, acknowledgement, and forgiveness.

Doing the work can often mean looking at the actual triggers, including what can you learn from them and what patterns are occurring time and time again, even when in different situations and yet you have responded in a similar way.

So how can a lack of self love affect business owners? Many people fear that they can’t effectively lead their team and come from a place of vulnerability. And yet this is the essence of being an authentic leader. A lot of times in business you can look back and see a pattern of behaviour that started off when your business was small, but now that your business is larger, that behaviour is in fact amplified and it can be setting of a whole set of circumstances with drastic results!

Do you find yourself avoiding particular sets of circumstances? Are you having a negative response around sales and putting yourself out there as an expert in your field?? If you are not comfortable doing the small things, you are not going to be comfortable doing the big things when you grow… and our businesses are only an extension of who we are.

Loving yourself looks like:

  •  Getting comfortable and owning both the light and dark sides of your personality
  •  Sitting in true vulnerability with another and not being afraid to show your true self
  •  Having amazing self-awareness and recognizing when you are in a story and when you are being truthful
  •  Being kind to yourself and those around you
  • Not needing external validation, possessions, ‘success’ and praise to feel good about yourself
  • Not feeding off somebody else’s energy to feel good
  • Gaining strength, power, authenticity and confidence from yourself
  • Knowing and living to your higher purpose
  • Not being afraid to grow and expand
  • Living the truth

“Self love for me is living in deep truth and awareness, owning and loving every little piece of you. The light, the shade and the things you may once have perceived as undesirable but are uniquely and beautifully you. Free of judgment or the need for anybody’s approval. Self love is freedom.” Melissa J Scott

Where is a good place to start if you think you need some help? We find journaling and going deep into your awareness is a great place to start. When you have had one of those moments and it has really triggered a reaction, ask yourself the questions, what is going on for me there? What is it that made me feel that way? What was the trigger for me, when else have I felt this way? This is a valuable way to come across a pattern of behaviours where you identify where you might need to do some work.

Talking to someone can be of great benefit.  Someone who is prepared to talk you through a situation and ask the hard questions. Having a good community around you of like-minded people and or a good coach or councillor can be beneficial. It is also very important to not always “be in your head” but to be in your body as well. Do some yoga, walking, exercise, something creative that takes you into a different side of your brain, connected with nature, or something quite physical to help you feel more grounded.

If this message is resonating with you then please listen to the podcast or watch the video and if you would like to get in touch with Karyn you can find her on Facebook.com/Karyn.Battersby She has an online coaching group and program and offers 1 on 1 coaching.

If you want to have more success in your business and sales, you need to become an expert at creating trust and connection online through your personal brand, and creating quality content. Book a free half hour strategy session with Melissa today to find out how you can be the Rockstar in your industry. If you want it, it is possible.

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